i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
