just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
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