bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
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