I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
