If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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