yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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