I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
