he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
