god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
