A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
