I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
