You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
