remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
