i think my mom watched the whole time
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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