STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
