There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
