And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
