This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
