the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
