I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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