Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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