Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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