I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
