overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
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