it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize
