i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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