Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
