My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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