So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
