the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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