Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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