Will you blow on my dice?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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