No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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