I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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