That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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