Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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