I think i peed on brittanys purse
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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