it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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