As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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