its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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