well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
