so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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