I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
