I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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