we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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