drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
