remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
