what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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