dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
