Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
