on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
