As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
